Legal System Critics Pillows

"We've got a new customer, Eddy: run a couple of kegs over to the Supreme Court."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Truth

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"They're class action figures."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

' Of course there isn't one law for the rich and another for the poor..There's only one impartial law. For all who can afford it.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Please accept the apologies of this court. You're free to go now, and, by the way, here's your DNA back."

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

"Impartiality becomes you."

Equal Justice Is An Illusion

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'It was a very strange divorce — the judge got custody of my wife.'