Legal Studies Gifts

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"If you want justice, it's two hundred dollars an hour. Obstruction of justice runs a bit more."

'Okay, Simms, we have a verbal agreement, but I'd like my lawyer to check it.'

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

"Here are your choices. You can plead guilty."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"Having reviewed the charges against you, your defense team believes that honesty is not an option."

"Great news, Phil! The governor has determined that you don't have a high enough I.Q. to merit execution."

Can you do another draft of this? There's still a couple of sentences people might understand

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'I think you misunderstood. The million dollar umbrella policy only covers you for claims involving an umbrella.'

Maze of Legalities: Do not enter without an attorney.

'I'm in for corporate hospitality.'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed for."

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Will you please answer the question, and this time, without the smoke and mirrors?'

"It's the S.E.C. How do you plead?"

"My fees are quite high, and yet you say you have little money. I think I'm seeing a conflict of interest here."

'He said, 'in his professional opinion, his bill was not outrageous'. Then he billed me for that opinion.'

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'Have I lapsed into legalese?'

'Before I can escort you across the street...'

"I don't like the look of these. I better send them up to legal."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'That's where we at the fine print.'

Law graduate sharks.

'These are tough times to be a contract law attorney. Everything's written in stone.'

Law School Contracts 101: Writing with words nobody can understand.

'Way too much information on your resume.'

The day begins at the copyright office - "Morning Jeff(TM)"...

Civil and In-Civil Court

'Yes, that's him. That's the author of the book that grabbed me and wouldn't let go!'