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"We both know I did it, but let me see if I can trick the jury!"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"#notguilty."

"I love fast break business success."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Stop and Birch

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Another slander suit!"

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'It's a treasure map.'

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Arrogant junior barrister

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'