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"And this is the juvenile court."

'Ms. Hempworth, check with our legal department...why must we obey the rules?'

"Hockersmith & Associates. May we help you?"

I'm not a career criminal - I'm more of a part-time volunteer.'

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

'Judge Mental.'

"My clients object to the term 'hit men.' They like to think of themselves as a well-regulated militia."

Caution Tripping Hazard.

'My client requests a postponement, Your Honor -- he's having a bad hair day.'

"Let's start the polygraph test with an easy question — Are you a good boy?"

"I'm acting as my own attorney, may I act as my own jailer too?"

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."

"I thought legal highs were banned now, Sarge?"

"You want to sue the IRS for giving you math phobia? - I LOVE it!"

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'Do you understand?'

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'Yes, I'm a bigamist, but I prefer to think of myself as serving two marriages concurrently.'

"Does this mean that you're ready to cop a plea?"

'I'm charging you with gross indecency.'

'My client pleads that you stop gavelling in double-four time.'

The judge said I didn't have a leg to stand on.

'Bad news I'm afraid. They've given you nine life sentences.'

Boy in courtroom

'Haven't you heard of crimes against humanity?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."