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"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. After that, law school was pretty much a given."

"I'm happy to say that my final judgement of a case is almost always consistent with my prejudgement of the case."

"There was 'reasonable doubt,' Ma'am, so we're hanging a few lawyers."

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

Tax slug.

"OK, first you'll have to sign the waiver absolving us of all responsibility and acknowledging that you understand the inherent risks of this transaction."

"There are 2 sides to every divorce: yours and d*****s."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"We make crime pay."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.