Legal Fiction Gifts

Trial by Media

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Puss in cement boots"

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Yawning barristers in court

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

Snow Crime

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

Antonin Scalia

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

CSI: Alaska. "What have we got, Ted?" "Looks like a snowball with a rock in it...I'll know more when I get it back to the lab."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."