Legal Fiction Gifts

'I'm sorry your honor, I meant to say I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son.'

Trial by Media

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Puss in cement boots"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

Yawning barristers in court

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

Snow Crime

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake. . . you signed all the checks with the cat's name."

Antonin Scalia

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

CSI: Alaska. "What have we got, Ted?" "Looks like a snowball with a rock in it...I'll know more when I get it back to the lab."