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"I see. And precisely what methods did you use to determine that my client was a 'bad boy'?"

"It's a deal, but just to be on the safe side let's have our lawyers look at this handshake."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

"Look, I'm not saying it's going to be today. But someday - someday - you guys will be happy that you've taken along a lawyer."

"Ignorance of the law is no excuse." "I didn't know that, either..."

"You have a pretty good case, Mr. Pitkin. How much justice can you afford?"

"I thought it was legal-I wrote it on a legal pad."

"You can't plead cute."

The night they invented champagne.

"I made partner!"

'This is not the kind of 'out of court settlement' I had in mind.'

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'This is your lucky day!'

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

"It's what I do."

"Ladies and gentlemen, is there a bankruptcy attorney on board?"

"If you want justice, it's two hundred dollars an hour. Obstruction of justice runs a bit more."

'...They were on the verge of working out the problem themselves.'

'They presented us with an ironclad contract that we were able to totally reinterpret.'

"Objection, leading the witness."

"I may be a jackal-headed god of the underworld, Janet, but I'm also your lawyer."

'Sold my soul to the devil, but held on to the intellectual property rights.'

'It's nothing personal, we just like to secure our intellectual property, each evening.'

'Okay, Simms, we have a verbal agreement, but I'd like my lawyer to check it.'

'This contract proposal needs more work. I'm not experiencing any twinges of guilt over it.'

Everything you need to know about the law...and then some.

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Lawyer lists his billable hours on tombstone.

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

'In the future, let's go with 'the court is now in session' rather than 'let's get ready to rumble'.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

"The judicial rulings are over here. That section is all lawyer jokes."

"In the interest of streamlining the judicial process, we'll skip the evidence and go directly to sentencing."