Legal Beagle Fan Gifts

"Selective breeding has given me an aptitude for the law, but I still love fetching a dead suck out of freezing water."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Paralegal eagle.

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

"It's non-negotiable."

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

"Like a lot of Beagles, he's pretty domesticated, but there's still some of the hunter in him."

QC appointments fall to all time low.

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

"There's no free legal advice. That's just our way of weeding out the time wasters."

Pick A Lawyer

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

"My specialty is tangled webs."

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

'I guess I do have low self esteem. When my business partner stole my good name, I took him to small claims court.'

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

Employee help

'I want my will to be a dead giveaway.'