Legal Beagle Fan Gifts

"Selective breeding has given me an aptitude for the law, but I still love fetching a dead suck out of freezing water."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

Paralegal eagle.

'That beagle sure is a tough case!'

"He's doing it again, your honor!"

What really became of the boy named Sue.

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

'How do you want me to answer that question, Norm? As an attorney, or as your best friend?'

Innocent bystanders are real tough to convict: 'You saw it happen, why didn't you do anything?'

"The way I see it, justice delayed is that many more billable hours."

"It's non-negotiable."

'If the verdict is guilty, Mr. Foreman, simply say 'Guilty.' Please refrain from shouting 'Yer outta here'....'

QC appointments fall to all time low.

"Like a lot of Beagles, he's pretty domesticated, but there's still some of the hunter in him."

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

"There's no free legal advice. That's just our way of weeding out the time wasters."

'Careful. It's the Litigious Kid, and his boys.'

'Cold today, isn't it?' - 'Yes, I actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets.'

Employee help

"My specialty is tangled webs."

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'I guess I do have low self esteem. When my business partner stole my good name, I took him to small claims court.'

Pick A Lawyer

'Granted, Your Honor, he may look like a criminal.'

'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'