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"Don't make me come down there."

"What can I say? Embezzlement happens."

"Trust me, you're going to be very happy you brought along legal representation."

'Very good, Counselor... now that you've showed us that you know all sorts of Latin phrases, how about showing us your client is innocent?'

"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'Now the defense would like to introduce a surprise witness.'

"I just had a nightmare that 9 judges had control over men's bodies!"

Anti-gun control lobby.

'You can't arrest me -- I gave my power of attorney to another guy!'

"Your uncle wanted the title to his 'last will and testament' changed to 'last laugh'."

'I won't be able to chair next week's ethics committee meeting. My bail's been revoked.'

'I've learned one thing in my years of experience in the business world -- never see a lawyer without seeing a lawyer first.'

'Sorry, I just get a little sentimental whenever I see my first filing.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'Does this count as harrassment under the new Crime Bill?'

'I didn't have any cash, so I used eminent domain.'

'What more can I say? I want justice, but I'm not about to clamor for it.'

Terrance McWit, Attorney at Law, Last Lawyer for 387 Miles.

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and FAST!'

'Nice Jack Nicholson impression, but you just tell the truth, and the court will decide if we can handle it or not.'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

Forget the reward. It's too late to call Crime Stoppers. If you saw what happened, say so.'

The Pursuit Of Justice - Wheell of fortune

'You can't afford justice.'

"If you can prove my innocence to the court, I'll give you half of my cut, from the bank job."

Judge

"I'm sure a shock collar is great motivational tool, but I would run it by our lawyers first."

"Remember, don't forget to show those puppy dog eyes."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

Inviolability of the King in Spain

"Look, they get really mad when I dig up the garden, so, can you please sign this statutory declaration..."

"I've decided to accept my legal counsel's advice and take the fifth."

"Could you sign this on case you don't die?"

"Guilty and really sorry to have caused all this bother, Your Honour."