Legal Advisors T-Shirts

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

"How's this? 'Employee grants to Company, throughout the universe, the omniverse, including all fictional universes of parallel universes yet to be discovered...'"

Ask Me About My Kids Lawyer

"Course I touched him on the hip - it was a scrum and we're on the same side!"

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."