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Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'Okay, Simms, we have a verbal agreement, but I'd like my lawyer to check it.'

Everything you need to know about the law...and then some.

"Here are your choices. You can plead guilty."

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'I TOLD you we should run it by legal first!'

Company Legal Dept - "Do you think they'd take a bribe to drop the corruption charges?"

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

"...this new policy is a credit to mumbo jumbo."

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

The Lawyer Fairy

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'Legal just called. That tune you're whistling is a copyright infringement.'

"You don't have to answer that."

"We said we'd give you a portable.. " Norman soon realised that he should have read the terms and conditions more closely

'Under privacy rules, I can't tell you anything about your condition. You'll have to find out yourself from a medical web site.'

'Would you like my professional advice, or my honest opinion?.'

Man marks documents as 'Illegal', 'Sweet Spot' and 'Legal'.

'It's quite a class-action suit, Sire -- you versus everybody else.'

'Your last hope is on the Appeals Fairy.'

The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories.

'Ms Wayne, check with the legal department. Why must we obey the rules?'

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Call the lawyers and ask if ethical and social responsibility is a legal requirement."

"It's a fitting name. I walk you through the prenup agreement and counsel you through the divorce."

"Now, now, Ruffy, if you'll spare me the threats I'll spare you the legal jargon."

'If possible, I'd like it to be an amicable bankruptcy.'

"If at first you don't succeed, there's always litigation."

"This is the only product claim that legal would allow."

See no evidence, hear no evidence, speak no evidence.

'Let's run it through legal.'

NON-COMPLIANT

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'