Legal Advice Pillows

'Be careful, he just charged me $350 for his 'two-cents worth'.'

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

'Next time the prosecutor shows you pictures of the crime scene, try not to blurt out, ‘Been there, done that.''

"You may read the small print Mr Hill, but you obviously didn't read the microscopic print!"

"Sorry, the lawyer - client privilege on confidentiality doesn't apply to free advice."

'Remember to stay downwind from him, he can smell fear.'

"... Sure. I'll agree to a verbal contract, so long as you agree to sign it."

'How much would it cost me to ask you a question?' - 'What's your second question?'

Lawyer walks down aisle with lengthy contract. Minister says: 'Now, let us sing together, Here Comes the Pre-nup.'

'I think we'll go for somewhere between 'amicable' and 'messy'...'

"It's legal – but not entirely."

"Legal advises finger-pointing."

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

"First, admit no harm."

"His ingrowing solicitor was playing up again."

'Do you feel up to receiving lawyers?'

'When I decide you need my opinion I'll charge you $450 per hour for it.'

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

'You're Jack Tinsley, the lawyer? Great, I was just on the way to see you about an accident I had this morning.'

Want my professional advice or my honest opinion?

'Do unto others - but only when you can do it during billable hours.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

Suees and Sueers

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

'It is better to have lost at love with a good prenuptial agreement.'

'I've learned one thing in my years of experience in the business world -- never see a lawyer without seeing a lawyer first.'

"You know something about the law. I like that in an attorney."

'First of all, get yourself a good lawyer. I highly recommend anyone but mine.'

'Sir, we've been out-loop holed.'

"Refresh my memory: Are you my lawyer or my lawyer's lawyer?

'I've learned one thing in my years of experience in the business world -- never see a lawyer without seeing a lawyer first.'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'Yes, we do offer free legal advice, but to be honest it isn't as good as the advice we charge for.'

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