Left-handed Enthusiasts Pillows

'Wait, wait! ... He changed his mind. Install the other throwing arm. He wants a lefty.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

Vote Progressive: 'It's not the rich, it's people trying to get rich who create new jobs!'

Tough Teddies

"I don't get it. I got a job at a fulfillment center and yet I'm still miserable!"

'Would it be cruelly ironic to shape our new cholesterol medication like little eggs?'

"The following is a test of the fire-alarm system. It is only a test. Please ignore the intense heat and combustion."

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

'When they said a cruise with a 'balcony view' I didn't think they meant a view of the balcony.'

Obama, the Enigma?

Washing Machine Torture

'The test results indicate that you were drawn very fast and with the left hand.'

Welcome to Hell - No Smoking

'So anyways, I got a great deal on a candle factory from this total sucker and,,, hey, watcha reading'

"I'm an optimist. I'm convinced that everything is going to go to hell, but not for a while yet."

Business acquaintances on holiday

"All brooms are useless. . .!!"

Peacekeeping?

Easy Budget Terms Are Not That Easy.

'Sorry to disappoint you, your salary increase was a computer error'

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"Well, that backfired."

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

"Why don't you take off early today? Don't forget to pack up your desk...."

We have skule clothes.

"Oh! I thought that was our party manifesto..."