Lecture Survivor T-Shirts

'And in conclusion.'

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Scarcity

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

"Any questions?"

Evil Exams!

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

Good Luck in your Exams.

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Examinations.

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

Sermon Applause.

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

"You've passed with extinction!"