Lawyers Pillows

"Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. After that, law school was pretty much a given."

"So, before passing judgment, please consider that science now shows that the male brain is not fully developed until never."

Lawyer lists his billable hours on tombstone.

"Your Honor, the state has every reason to consider the defendant an extremely high flight risk."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'For the last time, it's called a 'win-win' contract. Nobody gets whacked.'

'Of course it isn't a case of sexual discrimination. We just don't think you're the right man for the job.'

"I was going to sue the neurosurgeon, but then he changed my mind."

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

I am billing, therefore I am.

Long custody battle.

Will give expert witness testimony for food

"I don't care which parent I get as long as it's the same one that gets the Playstation."

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

'Enough of this bickering! let's just do it alphabetically.'

'The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? That doesn't allow for much flexibility.'

'Next time keep the Justice Department and the SEC in mind when you're thinking outside the box.'

Santa Claus wanted poster.

'Hey! -- Don't go adding disclaimers!'

Opting for Chinese food for lunch, the law partners decide in principle to share their dishes and, accordingly, before ordering, negotiate a comprehensive pre-victual agreement.

Why lawyers should never try to write their own vows.

Imitate me, formerly 'Think'.

'I saved myself a fortune, by acting as my own defence lawyer.'

'all of you, except a party named 'Fido', may now leave.'

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

'Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest of us a bad name.'

Coiffures suitable for lady barristers

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Hockersmith & Associates. May we help you?"

"This semester I'm taking litigation avoidance. How about you?"

'If a person falls in a department store and there's no one around to see it, do you still have a lawsuit?'

'I inherited therefore I am'

'I'm granting your divorce and ordering you both be released back into the wild.'