Lawn Jester T-Shirts

Matador face to face with a Toro lawnmower.

"My astroturf died!"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Yawning barristers in court

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

A baby in court

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Crow and fox

'He started it!'

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'