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The kitsch of Death.

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

"Can you cut the grass but leave the daisies?"

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

Beginning Yarder.

'He misses his garden when he's on holiday'

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

The Scottish Lawn

Beware of the Lawn

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'If I've calculated correctly, I have two more birthdays before I never have to mow the lawn again.'

A psychic mows the lawn.

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

"I've found the lawnmower!"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'You know it's too hot to use the sprinkler when the spray turns to steam.'

Mower Repair

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

"It doesn't mean you, Hickford!"