Law Upholder T-Shirts

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Stop and Birch

"#notguilty."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

Violent Crime Statistics

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Young Doctor, Young Nurse, Young Undertaker

Lady Justice.

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"They're class action figures."

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

'It's a treasure map.'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."