Law Enforcement Issues Pillows

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

The Anti-Agent

Hate Platforms

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

America, are we learning anything?

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

When Engineers Crack.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

Meanwhile, in Florida: Little Free Library/Little Free Firearms

Minority Report

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

Privacy Conference Security

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

Slow Night

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"I spy with my little eye…"

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

A Little Extra

"Our therapist couple be so proud of us now."

After the gun ban, the guys still liked to go out and horse around on weekends.

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"I knew we'd eventually catch him. He can't run and run as fast as he once did."

Totalitarian Humour

"Careful! He knows computers."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."