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'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Baby's first words.

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"