Laughing Through The Pain Prints

'Numb yet?'

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

Looks like another profit's warning

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Missing my hair.

Our super-heroes bravely battling a brutally blustery day!

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

"You sure you've done this before."

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

Hospital patient using his thermometer on the remote control.

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

Acupuncture

Truck collision due to incompetence

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"People were confused by how we named the new variants so we're just calling this one the 'really scary new bastard'!"

Lost Biker.

'Come, come, Mr Walker...it's only an inspection.'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"You're it!"