Laughing Through The Fear Prints

'Come, come, Mr Walker...it's only an inspection.'

Looks like another profit's warning

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Our super-heroes bravely battling a brutally blustery day!

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

'How are the quadruplets?'

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

'I have this recurring nightmare. Mum's so engorged she can't get out of bed to feed me.'

'It's new, Dental armor, Everything I need for any procedure is right here,'

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

Truck collision due to incompetence

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

"You didn't believe her when she said there was a giant spider in the bathtub, did you?"

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"People were confused by how we named the new variants so we're just calling this one the 'really scary new bastard'!"

Lost Biker.

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

'Numb yet?'

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"You're it!"

'This is 911! Sorry we can't take your call right now, our place is on fire!!'