Laughing Through The Diagnosis Prints

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

The New Age Dentist.

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I've lost my voice. Is it contagious?"

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

"Oh my god, apple pox!"

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'Don't get your hopes up. In private practice, malt whisky and havana cigars mean you're terminal.'

Acupuncture

'The inflamed hemorrhoid is here to see you, Doctor.'

"Level with me, doc...is it serious?"

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

'The good news is your ailment is named after me, the bad news is there is no cure,'

"A second opinion? - Oh, it's far too late for THAT!"

Dermatology Lab. Employee Evaluations Today. What a great evaluation! They said they're going to name a rash after me!

Man asks doctor for second opinion of Alzheimers.

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'Did I touch a nerve?'

"Of course - as a private patient you'd get little extras-like anaesthetic..."

'Numb yet?'

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.