Laughing At Office Life Pillows

Personnel Manager of the Wild...

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Henderson! Have you been drinking again?'

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

Call centre musicians

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

Sat Nav: 'You will be sat down all day long...and all day tomorrow...and...'

Goodyear Blimp flying round globe.

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"Briggs is running our stress at work assessment."

'We don't discriminate per se - we just don't hire Lyle Lovett lookalikes.'

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

'We will no longer make major decisions based upon our playing 'one potato; two potato'...'

'How did the meeting go?'

"I got you a get well card because when I ask for a raise, it makes you sick!"

"Apropos your request for a salary increase, we're going to have you appraised."

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

Multitasking.

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

"Well we've had our 15% budget cut confirmed,nobody's applied for our vacancies and we're moving the office into the Portocabin in the carpark. Item 2 staff morale."

"So you've been here three years. Just what is your name? I need it for the downsizing list."

'Well... something makes me think that you want a raise, Mr Johansen...'

"We're a prestigious department, yet we have only three active prima donnas."