Laugh Champions Pillows

Recycled humor.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"So, is there any other funny business to attend to?"

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

King and Jester

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Pie chart of pub conversations

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

Amy Schumer

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

"It's okay. That's just adult-speak for hot dogs."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Now a procedure! Someone suggest a procedure! Surgery at the Improv.

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.