Late-night Diner T-Shirts

'I don't leave until I've heard all 25 songs.'

'Are you hinting you want to close up?'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

How The Sausage Is Eaten

'How is the water prepared?'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'This is my kind of Chinese...A chocolate double fudge fortune cookie!'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"Linguini for two?"

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Your tea is getting cold.'

Ketchup Kafe...Where Kondiment is King!

"It's just - this McDonald's closes at midnight."

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'You made me jump,'

"I'm allergic to penicillin—is there penicillin in the salad?"

'Yes, we are dining by candlelight because I thought it would be romantic. And also, because I didn't pay my electricity bill.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'Thanks for the invite: Don't cook anything fancy, I eat pretty much anything...'

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."