Land Inheritance Pillows

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. ... Actually, you know what? You can have it now."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'Unforeseeable future site of Hainesmore Industries.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

"And to my son Frank, I leave my greenhouse in the country."

"Someday this will all be yours...assuming that someday you'll have enough to buy it from me."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"Someday, son, all this will be yours. It'll be under water, but still ..."

'Someday, son, when I've gone to that big roundup in the sky all this will be yours.'

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. Sorry."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Someday son, all this will be yours to argue with the Environmental Protection Agency over.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"... and finally, to my children I leave the four mosquitos and the horsefly in the top left corner."

"One fine day my son, all this will be yours."

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

At the 3 hour reading of Old MacDonald's will.

'One day son, all of this will be yours. Provided we can swing the McNulty Hart deal that is. '