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Lactose Intolerant Goldilocks

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

The Nihilist Deli.

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"Leftovers"

'Treat me easy this morning.'

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

'Maybe she's gluten intolerant.'

"We may go vegan in the cafeteria."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

"No one is completely abominable."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

I'm not lactose intolerant. In fact, some of my best friends are disaccharide sugars.

"Sorry, red wine makes Ralph gluten intolerant intolerant."

New Milks

"The gluten is free. The pizza, however, cost $12.95."

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'I always thought I was lactose intolerant.'

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

"You ever notice that the gluten-free ones have a funny aftertaste?"

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"I'm gluten intolerant."

Dan was becoming increasingly lactose intolerant.

"Can I help you!!"

"Er, um, no thanks. We're both lactose intolerant."

"Just don't call me a jackass."