Knife Aficionado Mugs

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

"Good afternoon Sir. I'm here to show you a terrific knife set while you purchase some girl guide cookies and listen to this guy talk about his religion"

The Neanderthal Pocket Knife.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"Lovely dovetail."

"Harry?... Is that you?"

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'This will only hurt for a moment.'

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

Whittlers Mother

'There, THAT tree won't bother anyone anymore!'

"It's a 'selfie.'"

Bakery. The smell of freshly baked bread is the only truly perfect man-made thing on earth.

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

"Don't let it bother you. The doctor told my wife it would keep her mind sharp if she learned a new skill."

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

A chef uses a giant utensil to chop a tiny sausage.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

Columbus At Home...'A Spoon!'

The nurse held up a beautiful baby knork... needless to say, the spoon was devastated.'

Battle.

Looking Daggers

"Reproduction furniture."

"Can Interest you in something new?"

Lumberjack cutting down tree in the rain.

"Heh, I've left a pin on his seat."

Global Arms Trade

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

Swiss excalibur...

"Did you enter the correct password?"

"This is a silencerfor my dagger..."