Klutz Crusader Gifts

Caution Fragile

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

"It started as a crusade. Now it's just a commute."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"On. More. Try."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

"You're still burying your bones? I store mine in the cloud now."

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

Relaxation Technique

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."