Klutz Chronicles Gifts

The Adventures of Break-O-Man

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"On. More. Try."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

Comment on food.

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

'That's all right, dear -- I'll just pick something up on the way to work.'