Klutz Chronicles Gifts

The Adventures of Break-O-Man

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"On. More. Try."

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

The Coordination Committee meets. . .

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

Accident-Prone Support Group.

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"What'll I eat, when you, are far away, and I am blue, what'll I eat?"

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"

'That's all right, dear -- I'll just pick something up on the way to work.'