Kitchen Strategists Pillows

Cathy hires an armed guard to help with her diet.

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

The secret lives of household things.

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'I don't care what the timer says - my nose says they're done.'

"I knew a breakfast meeting would be a mistake."

'I'm all for GM food, it's done wonders for my profit margins!'

April 12,1989: The last day Ryan ever ate pancakes. 'I ran out of pancake mix so I fried up patties of my facial cream.'

Under strict laboratory conditions extensive research proves that, despite being watched, pots do eventually boil.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

The History of Anti-stick

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

Chicago School of Home Economics

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

Molecular gastronomy.

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

'The biochemist at work' The biochemist at lunch'.

"I don't know if it was the peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich or the pickle milkshake I had for lunch!"

Small Business Advisor - Sports Training in the Restaurant Business.

'I just have time to make some toast, analyze its particle sizes, its density, its chemisorption...'

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."