Kitchen Rookie Gifts

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

'Thank goodness for salt and pepper.'

"You had to know I meant add cooking oil, junior. . . not motor oil!"

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"An untested recipe. An uncalibrated oven. Substituted ingredients. And yet, the cake...the cake is...magnificent!"

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

Lockdown casserole

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

I made you a cake!

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Husband bakes a pie

"Oh we're fine, my husbands just learning to cook during the quarantine."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

'Mom! Dad's eating my science fair project!'

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

The Inexperienced Cook