Kitchen Mishap Survivor T-Shirts

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

"How am I going to explain this to the accident compensation board?"

'Ow! I tore something in my elbow, when I pulled out the cork. I thought red wine was supposed to be good for you.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'My hero!'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

"Is this dinner or the effects of global warming?"

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."