Kitchen Inventor Pillows

'Oh, my wife invented that -- it's for mashing potatoes.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

'Can you tell me how my new kitchen is coming along?'

'I put the cake in the blender because I wanted a glass of cake.'

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

The Inexperienced Cook

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Cook in the cookery section.

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

"Fresh pepper?"

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

"I wonder what our self-cooking kitchen has for us today."

'Propane ran out.'

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"How much longer on your visionary gnocchi, Stefano?"

"We did it! Barbeque, bacon, cheese and just a twist of kale!"

"And not only do I make my own pizza sauce, I have a special way of crushing the tomatoes!"

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

Swiss Army Stove.

I Bake. Deal with it.

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"Once he invented the wheel, it was only a matter of time before he came up with the food truck."

The Welsh Rarebit Mchine

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'