Kitchen Calamity Survivor Pillows

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

'I'll explain everything while we drive to the restaurant.'

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Roasted

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'My hero!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'