Kid At Heart Pillows

'I know I'm having trouble reading at a 3rd grade level...that's why, when I grow up, I'm going to be a 2nd grade teacher.'

"Well? Have I hit it yet?"

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

Cavewoman smacking childs bottom for doing cave drawings

"I'll have the business prodigy's lunch."

'She wants to keep my marbles. . .She's already swallowed two.'

"How are you going to spoil us today, grandma?"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Remote control pirate bully

'You've got to help me doc', I keep thinking I'm a children's T.V. presenter.'

'An owl and a pussycat? -- Is that even legal?'

'Boy I hate children: They sing 'Eeny Meeny Miney Mo' and then catch me by the toe...'

'I've saved you all the sprouts - Mum said they are very good for us!'

I really wish sometimes you'd act your shoe size and not your age.

'It's just a bit of pond weed tied to my bottom but it makes me feel so much younger!'

'I'm a substitute but I don't believe Mrs. Carlson lets you watch TV all day.'

'A three means I want to break for a hot dog.'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

I want my Mum...

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

'I know my socks don't match, but they don't get along.'

'Is this ball yours?'

'Grown ups have been doing this all wrong!'

'My problems seem small to you because you're so darn BIG!'

"He followed me home from school. Can I keep him?"

"Another five minutes! I'm in the middle of a game!"

"The play date's breaking up early due to creative differences."

"Always ask for broccoli on the pizza. You really can't taste it, and you've filled your broccoli quota for days!"

"I'm wearing my mom's fitness tracker to count my jumps, flips, and adrenaline rushes."

Children's artwork exhibition.

'The reason I didn't tell you I wanted to go fishing was because I wanted to go fishing.'

"Do you have a minute to talk about your retirement years?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

Be 5 Again

Prank Call