Kibble Commentator Pillows

'He didn't come running when I used the electric can opener!'

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Fido and Fifi

Pundits

'The following program contains scenes that may not be appropriate for Neoconservatives.'

"And a final note: Perception officially become reality."

Cruz and Fiorina: DetesTED and DetestETTE

"For the hundredth time—I have no idea how to make crystal meth."

'Please disregard the previous message about the imminent collapse of the global economy'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

'Hunger is a terrible thing, especially around dinner time!'

Maps to talk-show guests' homes.

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"I'm so tired of hearing about "The Squad"."They're Too left-wing and divisive and, boy, do they thing they know everything."

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."