Kibble Commentator Pillows

'He didn't come running when I used the electric can opener!'

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Fido and Fifi

Dispute between Pelosi and Trump

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

Pundits

'The following program contains scenes that may not be appropriate for Neoconservatives.'

"And a final note: Perception officially become reality."

Red State Football

"For the hundredth time—I have no idea how to make crystal meth."

Cruz and Fiorina: DetesTED and DetestETTE

'Please disregard the previous message about the imminent collapse of the global economy'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'Well, yes, Jennifer -- I suppose Samson WAS sort of like Wolverine.'

"Are you sure its supposed to look like that?"

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

'Hunger is a terrible thing, especially around dinner time!'

Presidential election-Joe Biden

"I'm so tired of hearing about "The Squad"."They're Too left-wing and divisive and, boy, do they thing they know everything."

Maps to talk-show guests' homes.

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."