Kennels Pillows

'He followed me home. Can I keep him?'

"Can I look at this dog's pedigree papers again?"

Dog and bone

Man on motorbike with side kennel.

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'No, I'm not being tracked by scientists, just by my wife...'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

'You made me jump.'

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"He must have picked that up at the kennel."

'I remember, Fido, winning isn't the only thing...there are also stud fees.'

Pets on holiday.

''Pet of the Year', That's me!'

'My husband's just getting some ready to show you.'

'This English Setter, Irish Wolfhound and Scotch Terrier, go into a bar...'

'Well, to begin with, you're going to have to get this fellow a bigger dog house.'

'The ranch-style house is for our wiener dog.'

"The nice thing about being married is that I no longer feel obligated to like your posts."

Good Mop, Bad Mop.

The food inspector

Rhino chef.

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

'The ban of stimulants, includes St Bernards. The brandy keg will have to go.'

"There! I've deleted you from my database!"

'Show Off'. Hat size jealousy among chefs.

'No need for the Fancy Dress - you've only boiled me an egg.'

'Why 'fido'? Dog kennels do not need planning permission.'

'You must learn to text each other more.'