Junior Doctor Gifts

'Correct. And in the case of a cardiac arrest, every second counts. Who can tell me why? Anyone? Clock's ticking.'

'I can't read a word of this essay of yours. Excellent work.'

'Higgins, control yourself and sit down!'

'Actually, you're my second patient if you count that cadaver in med school.'

"When did your shift start?" - "February!"

'I told you he wouldn't waste any time starting his practice.'

"Can I get continuing education credit for stories that never cease to amaze me?"

Anatomy.

'I purchased this for my daughter. After reading about the effect of the healthcare law on the practice of medicine, I want to return it.'

You had to review your diagnosis?

NHS application system: 'Let me in! I'm a Junior Doctor!'

Should medical students be asked their political opinions?

'Let us through! We're junior doctors!'

Spin doctors.

"Ever notice the medical programs never show the dashing young doctors doing paperwork?"

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"The doctor said he'd write a prescription for you as soon as he completes his literary degree."

Out of hours GP service machine.

"We'd like you to be at breaking point seven days a week."

"These young doctors know NOTHING, I used to see 500 patients EVERY day..."

Eventually I'd like to major in cosmetic surgery.

'You really love medical college, eh?' (body parts tattooed on man's torso).

"These doctors may have a point, but I can't make out what it is."

'Is he dead, or is it intern fatigue?'

Doctor to patient - 'It's bad news I'm afraid - you live in the North.'

'Maybe we should have bought him the private version.'

'I have a golf outing today, so my son will be operating on you instead. Don't worry, he has a 'C' average in medical school.'

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"

"Why clone sheep! They ought to clone more doctors!"

"I'm telling you, Sue...as the years go by the doctors seem to get younger and poorer!"

"I wish he'd actually play with his toy hospital, rather than just making strike placards."

"Every year my workload increases...back-calculation shows that in the 80's I must have been doing no work at all."

"Sadly, my hands were always too shaky to be a barista."

Cloning Kit