Jug Collectors Pillows

"Baseball's not a jug's game, you really need to be a pitcher"

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Buzz off, Fly-boy. We don't need more accessories."

Unemotional Support Animal

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'Red Rover, Red Rover...'

Bribes for Jabs

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Do you buy cars here?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

'God's speed.'

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

"He looks so much like his dad."

His and Hers Wedding

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

Goldfish evolution - "...it's called evolution and it means in a few years we'll walk right out that door."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to buy a car, sir -- Braxton, here, accidentally sold your car to somebody else.'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

"Hey! These are still good!!"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"Is your dog friendly?"

Cow Pollen