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Trial by Media

Yawning barristers in court

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Antonin Scalia

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

The annual running of the lawyers.

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'Littering, Your Honor.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

Out of Court Settlement

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

"...and how long have you been a smoked Kipper Grader?"

'But you told me to try and look innocent.'

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

"Your honor, my client is a very respectable blood-sucking pest."

'And that m'lord concludes the case for the defence. . . '

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

'Divorces ‘R Us' is etched in stone on a courthouse.

Richard gets the third degree.

'My client wasn't going to keep the money, Your Honor - He only robbed the bank to get on a reality show.'

'We're eleven to one. May we borrow the murder weapon?'

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

'I've been recalled. Do I have any legal recourse?'

Fenton, Griff, Wintz & Barkins - Attorneys-at-law: The Legal We Do Immediately, The Illegal Takes a Little Longer