Judicial Jest Appreciator Pillows

'Will the defendant explain to the Court why he refuses to be called 'the accused'?'

"Take this declaration of war and punch it up."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Must you be so judgmental?

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'When I pled 'Not Guilty,' I forgot to say 'May I?''

You charged me for for two visits? Yes you came back for your umbrella.

'Do you think the legal profession is modern and forward-thinking, Sir?'

"The jury would like to say that this case was not as juicy as it promised to be."

'There hasn't been an assassination attempt all week -- what are they up to out there?'

"Have you got it in beige?"

Scalpers Work The Queue At Heaven's Gates

"Where does it say I can't take the law into my own feet?"

'He has that certain undefinable something that says he's guilty as sin.'

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

"Every time we say we will uphold precedent, Trump tweets he wants us to uphold the president."

Sonia Sotomayor

"I don't get grounded. My dad's a judge so I get sequestered."

'Excuse me, but I've always wanted to do this.'

Extreme Court of the United States

"We were wondering if you would like to come in for a beer, Brett."

Man sees sign on lawyers' door: 'Fogarty, Brown and Plimsoll ... Conflicts of Interest'

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

Man on crutches leaving courtroom: 'I got off on the wrong foot when I said the forklift ran over my right foot.'