Judging Panels Pillows

The Judging Panel Judge

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

That party went well.

Wal-Mart Ruling

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'I'm sorry, your cheese has not matured enough!'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Rodin's Irish Judge

'Your Honor, we find the defendant rich, famous and not guilty.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

"It's not that you're a failure. It's that you completely lack the capacity for success."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'