Joyce Jester T-Shirts

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Dog fetching clown shoes.

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Women in a cross country race

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"