Jovial Ex-smoker Pillows

"He only smokes one cigarette a day now."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Complaints Desk

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Pie chart of pub conversations

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

"Growing old is not the problem... it's not being rich that's the problem."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'My opinion, right or wrong!'

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

Dessert Storm Veteran

'Every year was the same. There was always some clown or comedian in Brian's intake of pupils.'

"Oh my....Look how much you've grown."

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'Rudolf?'

'Oops! I should've gone to the bathroom before I came.'

Men discussing thier weight

Ad agency

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

"I don't understand. I gave up smoking two years ago."

"I brake for milk & cookies"

-

"Very nice work indeed. You've captured a profound sense of provenance; 
the excrement and its excreter in an ever-rolling circle of life.

"

A Cartoonist's Pen