Journalist With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Apparently reading about the causes of cancer gives you cancer."

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'The Prom Dress: One Week Later'

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

CIA Recommended TVs

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

"The whole thing's much smaller than it seemed on TV."

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

"Here are our latest frames, designed to make you look with-it, even though your past-it."

"This is just a placebo cast, but it makes a lot of people feel better."

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

'You ordered the stuffed sea bass, didn't you?'

What is it about Sarah Palin's politics that bothers you so much?

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

"You are gullible and naive. You believe untrained charlatans. You squander your money."

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

'No, I'm afraid we're dull. But we do have two vacancies in the Kitchen.'

Holiday photos.