Jolly Elf T-Shirts

'I thought you understood when you took on the job there would be NO Christmas holidays'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Snowman throws snowball at Santa.

"Don't even think about it."

"Tis the season to be jolly!"

Christmas Chopin

"I'm afraid this year due to the threat of terrorist attacks...customs controls...parking restrictions...I have decided to outsource the Christmas operation to Ebay and Amazon."

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

Another wedding

"You'll notice it's the same list as last year. Let's try a little harder this time."

He who laughs, lasts.

"Simply swipe your card, enter the pin, and a pot of gold will be deposited into your account within two working days."

"Wow nice jump!"

Blow Up Christmas Tree

I finally found happiness in my own backyard and then I got evicted.

Really? Santa won't stop at your house if you're not asleep on Christmas eve? That sounds like a sort of entrapment to me!

Naughty-ometer.

With a round little belly like a bowl of jalea, he struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea.

"I'm installing a backup camera. I'm tired of you sending me out to repair all the chimneys you back into."

Advent calendar of tasks in the run up to Christmas.

"... Santa, eh? Do you have any form of identification?"

"First it was all of that imported stuff and now he's gone with all robotic toy makers!"

"Mr. Levine, may I see you a moment?"

Line of children to see Santa Claus; Line of parents to use the ATM

"You're two weeks behind in making toys. What do you mean you now have to test all chess games first?"

'While you're makin' a list and checkin' it twice, how about checkin' ID? Some of these ‘kids' are, like, in their 30s.'

"So that's 45,000 Playstations, 198,000 smartphones and 50 million GP consultations."

"Remember, if you don't give me what I want, I know where you live!"

"What're you doing for Christmas, Randy?"

"Does my bum look big in this?"