Joking About Bills Pillows

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

Fiscal cliff

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

tax

"You were observed laughing on the way to the bank. Well, we'll take care of that."

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Tax relief

I.R.S. - A non-discriminatory federal agency. We Soak rich and poor alike.

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

'Sorry to interrupt - your monastery is on fire...the IRS wants to talk to you - and something about a missing case of wine.'

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

"I spent all last year totally paralyzed with indecision about a career - isn't that some kinda tax deduction?"

"They used the ultimate weapon to drive me away. Taxes."

'It's a tax refund. There's a note attached asking us not to cash it before next week.'

IRS tax forms.

"I bought this net from the Inland Revenue. It allows big fish to swim through, yet catches the small ones."

'First the good news...since you earn under $400,000, you won't have to pay the millionaire's tax.'

'Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.'

"If you have paper, I'll give you a receipt for tax purposes."

'I don't believe in traditional capital punishment. I'm sentencing you to be taxed to death.'

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

External Revenue Service

"I keep telling you, I've been over the rainbow and while there, I didn't have any income!"