Jokester With Financial Flair Prints

Any more rude letters from you and yours won't even go into the shuffle.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'How are you at takeovers?'

A rising tide may lift all boats but I sank all my savings in beachfront properties.

And if you help drive the herd all the way to Kansas City, you get to keep one steer for yourself! The first stock option.

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Frankly, I don't see a problem. By its very nature inherited wealth entitles you to be second-rate.'

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

"I have your evaluation...great teamwork, great morale...basically, you're a good dog."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"We'll double our chances of recovery if we buy two lottery tickets."

Luck of the IRS.

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"The GOOD news is that customers complaints are down, the BAD news is that we've got no customers."

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

'I'm worried - she insisted on closing every one of her accounts while she waited...'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

'Think about it: There were over three million of us co-owning this ant-hill, so we only got a few cents each...'

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

'I wish I had my money back...'

'Put this hundred dollar bill under his nose and he'll come around!'

GPS Shoes

Economists explain the National Debt: 'Don't Worry! Be Happy!'

'You have stock market fever.'